THE SURVIVOR

2vcwd4o.jpg The Survivor -X I've never felt this way before, my head completely confused, something missing, something spinning completely out of control.I've met your eye, i've seen into your soul, but that was far enough for me, back then. A lonely heart, lost in the wilderness, wondering which path to take. like someone opening a door into another world where my insides could shout out and explain the real person inside of me. The person that you knew. You knew. But i didnt understand. But now i do, I took time, too much time, but now the times explain themselves, a dialogue devoted to you. from me to you. But as i caught up with my feelings, you've left. You forgot to shut the door and now i'm way past the threshhold.. Bewildered and more dazed. But then that chorused night, th e words hit me. The words that you loved her, the friend. The one that you've laughed with many a'time. With me, sat listening, but she stabbed your heart too. Sharp and short. an dyou knew, you knew that the lies of machines fuzzing the lies of buzzing were un-true. Like taking a different path. Avoidment. Now i shared the incompleteness, the unexpierienced. I can confide and trust with her, you sense and feel. I feel too, for you. A week or two. Days on end, the different language, however hard or easy may be, ticked past, slowly. unforgivingly, like it itself knowing the misjudgement. the cruel words replacing the loving, dislike replacing love. A jar of swirling mixture; my body lives each day like the last. I've seen too much, too much and i'll never forget. i'll never forget ever. Your face alight, full of happiness, then i and her turned it to sorrow. Forgive. Forgive me. i've gone too far now and i love you more than ever. the dark windy night, alone, i think of you. i cannot sleep, so i cannot dream of you, your love, the yet to come. i don't know if that ever will come, but i do know my feelings now. If the days stall and splutter, I hope you still love me even if life adjusts. But i know what i will or once knew. You. If the light at the end of the tunnel nearens, I don't know what i will say. i will start again. But i learnt from my mistakes and you do not dislike me. You like, or even love me. bUt jealousness kicks in from behind. she still clings on, never to let go. It weakens me, i do not want to stop. But i might not have a choice. my confused heart beats breathlessly. forvever on, forver in pain for you. but nothing like your pain.. Im sorry. Too sorry. The sickle skin clogs and the beau apples redden and just maybe, just maybe you have clicked. The deep blue shimmering pool of goodness i stare at,t he light golden cornfields blowing side-to-side ahead. You quiver, i shaken. A flock of beautiful, colour dazzling butterflies swarm around, trapped, banging into the sides of the flesh. Over and over again they hit and squirm. but that spark and flash still arose. sparking the parched, un touched, tender lips of heaven, adn the meeting with softness and tranquility. in a world of our own. i put everything i feel into that little space of time, slightly packed,a nd then we both understand. the pages flicker over,one brain to the next and it triggers relief . Relief. its like we are joined. around us flowers blossom and the fruits of the garden of Eden ripen. Fireworks shock and dazzle usbut their unnamed beauty bewilders us. Then the ending draws near. i never knew how great and wonderful a few seconds could be, everything understood with one move. the right move. But her, she saddens, i tried to comfort, to reason, but all failed endlessly. she writhed away, to forget the past. to enter the new door and to lock the last on me and you. The bolts of unhappiness locked together,a chain of hatred. wrapped around solely. The blood flows free, we try and grasp the locks, but all is too tight, too tight for mercy, but god and Jesus forgive, maybe they will loosen and unravel the chains of mercy and sin. For us, we thought the survivors, but now th e sinners? I cant go through with this. The once free soul pressed down. unable to move. to look, to see. that naked soul, flying throught the a to pierce the hearts of the un-wanted, to liven them and make them gay. The red, red rose sat nearby, listening, un-revelling the story, that unfolds from within. it makes me sad, and happy. Joyful yet sorrowful. The feelings congealed and mixed, unable to make sense of themselves. the passages some too thick, soem too thin, some to busy, sometoo quiet. but all i want you to know is I feel for you, always and ever, if you hurt, i hurt, if your happy, I am too. i Love you. maybe not for forever, but the time will come, when i will tell. But right now, at the ends of these evts, I just hope i didnt hurt you, because i really love[ed] you. xoxo